My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize