I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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