Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
