The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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