if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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