Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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