my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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