I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Randomize
