You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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