i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You are the jesus of drinking
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize