i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
