the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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