laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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