This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
