i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
