I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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