how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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