I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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