My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
