Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
