there's paper in my vomit.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
