I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
ttyl tear gas
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
