her facebook's as public as her vagina
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
