The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
