I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
