woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
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The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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