Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
