what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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