Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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