This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
