Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
