Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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