youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
