Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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