I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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