Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
