i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
