Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
