it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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