My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize