i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He better not be in your backpack
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
