I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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