Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
