Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
