I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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