you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
