I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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