the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
