Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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