I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
