you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize