Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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