Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
