Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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