his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
