Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
